I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
