; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
