im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
