I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
