i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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