Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
