I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
