Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
