When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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