Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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