I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
