I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
