i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
