i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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