So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i was born a porn star she said
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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