It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
