i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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