I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
