well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
