is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
