I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
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We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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