I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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