At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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