So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
