Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
