I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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