sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
