Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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