How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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