we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
