wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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