I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
