Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
