Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
and she was petting her beer can
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
