Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
