It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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