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I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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