I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
