So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
