Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
