butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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