yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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