Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
