He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
