dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
