ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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