don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
