actually, I'm a sock model
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
