Barsexuality is the new black.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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