Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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