Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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