You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
