Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
