I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
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You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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