Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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