Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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