I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
