Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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