My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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