So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
