it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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