Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i love accidental penises.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
