YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
