someone threw a dead crab at me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
