we have pet lesbian snakes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
