how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
