there's paper in my vomit.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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