It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
